DID Personal Stories: Victoria


DID Personal Stories, Dissociative Identity Disorder / Wednesday, April 18th, 2018

‘DID Personal Stories’ is a collection of autobiographies from people around the world living with Dissociative Identity Disorder. These stories are raw and unfiltered. Please be advised that some may contain triggering content. We hope that through sharing our experiences, we can spread awareness.

I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder in 2015 following a mental breakdown and hospitalization. Before my DID diagnosis, I had been labeled with Bipolar Type I and Schizoaffective Disorder. What led to my breakdown was a series of smaller psychotic breaks; I was experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations daily, flashbacks of past trauma, and episodes of memory loss. I would “wake up” in strange places. It was terrifying.

After I received a concrete diagnosis, I was relieved that I at least knew what was going on with me. However, I was seriously in denial. The more I read about DID, the more I freaked myself out over it. I found an amazing therapist. She helped me unravel myself and my alters. Slowly, we began sifting through my childhood. I was able to accept my past, but I know there’s still so much I don’t remember. I have a lot of work to do.

My system is comprised of about 12 known alters. I have a feeling there are others I don’t know of yet, but I tend to ignore them. I have protectors, littles, persecutors, 1 mute alter, and a gatekeeper.

I wish the general public knew that this isn’t a trend disorder. It really irritates me when I hear people say that DID isn’t real, multiples must be faking for attention. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

It isn’t fun to live with. Extreme childhood trauma causes DID. Often, that means ritualistic abuse, sexual abuse, rape, brainwashing, neglect… it is a serious and life altering disorder. And that doesn’t make us scary or incapable of leading normal lives. We just have it a little bit tougher is all.

Writing really helped me come to terms with my diagnosis. I began blogging shortly after I was diagnosed and I found a wonderful community. Reddit (r/DID) also provided me with an online community of people with, and loved ones of those afflicted by, DID.

While it’s true that living with Dissociative Identity Disorder is hell at times, I also give gratitude to my alters and my mind. It was necessary for my mind to fragment in order to endure the abuse that I did.

-Victoria

 

 

Do you have DID and want to share your story? Email us: stories@imperfectlymama.com

 

DID Personal Stories: Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder

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